The Body That Ruined Me

     Early on with this work I had become attracted to mechanical drawings, the precise lines that also served a purpose. I had certain symbols I had been using and decided rather than freehand them to design them with a compass. Shortly after I was introduced to the golden section and began somewhat obsessively designing golden rectangles, pentagrams, and decagrams. Compositions became about dividing up the picture plane with ideas about placement of certain elements imposed over bisections, trisections, and golden sections of the space. Numbers for measurement were never used. Most compositions were commenced with a center line folded to create blots.  Drawings were not sketched so much as notes made about dimensions and relationships more like a legend or a matrix for duplication. Paintings were worked in phases, destroyed and reworked multiple times yet, due to notes, compositions were reproduced fairly accurately. Any irregularities in composition and damages the paper sustained were allowed to show like history, memory, or even scars.

     The content and process are meant to mimic life. While the blot's organic quality provides a nice contrast to the precise mechanical lines of the straightedge and compass they also create an atmosphere, an experience for the subjects to pass through. Depictions of goals, desires, choices, obstacles, the means to achieve, are juxtaposed between or amongst birth and death, waking and sleeping, reality and mapmaking, harming and healing, desire and necessity. Process representing a cycle of abuse, destroying security, and starting new. Ideally about making mistakes, learning from them, and becoming comfortable with that even though sometimes may mean regressing or putting oneself in worse position. Seeking a harmonization of creation and destruction with process becoming more comfortable with each rebirth.